This is a post I've been meaning to write for a while, but understandably it's a bit of a tricky topic to get your head around in just a few paragraphs (or in my case, four hundred). Maybe I'm a bit of a cynic (and by maybe, I mean I definitely am), but no matter who we are, what we do or how our lives may seem from an outsider's point of view, I refuse to believe that any one person can be completely and utterly content with their lives. And right now? I'll be honest with you, I'm kinda not.
I've been trying to figure out a way to insert this little nugget of information into my blog, but every way - be it an entire blog post, a humorous anecdote, or just a slight inclination - never quite seems like the right way to introduce such a touchy subject. Anyway, what I'm trying to say here in the most normal way possible is that I have depression. I've had it for years, I take medication for it and I'm okay. That's pretty much all I have to say about that right now. I'm saying it because I feel like that creates the basis for this entire blog post. Hell, if I'm gonna get personal with you guys, I may as well dive head first into the situation. And I may as well post a photo of myself in my undies while I'm at it too. Would it help if I told you I haven't shaved my legs in a week? Too personal? Oh alright then (see, even us sad gals can make jokes every once in a while!).
So hands up if you've ever felt personally victimised by social media? Chances are, if we were in a stadium full of people, everyone would have their hands up, including Regina George. The media is great - don't get me wrong - but it also sucks so damn hard sometimes. If it wasn't bad enough having models and celebrities out there looking amazing, we now have 'normal' (for lack of a better word) people making us feel crap about how we look or the lives we live. We all know Photoshop and filters exist, and we all know there's no such thing as perfection, yet every time we go on Instagram and see a flat-stomached, perfectly made-up girl (or guy!), or someone out there supposedly living the life we want to lead, the reasonable parts of our brain switch off and out comes the green headed monster. Add a sprinkle of negative emotions into the mix and you've got yourself a 5* recipe for self-hatred. And oh man, is that a slippery slope to go down.
I guess what 'not feeling good enough' comes down to is simply feeling as though you should be a certain way, as opposed to just feeling. I see so many people in my position travelling the world, going to parties and leading a glamourous lifestyle that sometimes I feel as though that's what I should be doing. I guess it's just FOMO (fear of missing out) but ten times over. Which leads me on to ways that you - and I! - can help our selves when we feel like we're not good enough. But you know - just for the record - you're pretty great as it is..
Stop comparing yourself to others, be inspired by them
We all do it, no matter what situation we're in, and it's probably the most toxic thing anyone can do to themselves. But you know what? The funny (and not in the ha-ha sort of way) thing is is that the people we compare ourselves to have insecurities of their own, and they compare themselves to other people as well. We always want what other people have, so instead of dampening your own spirits by focussing on what you don't have, focus on what you do and use those people you look up to as inspiration, rather than another reason to hate yourself.
Don't believe everything you think
Your brain is a big fat liar sometimes. I mean, how many people have actually told you you weren't good enough, other than yourself? It's your brain that's telling you that, and you only believe it because you think you should. Thoughts are just that: thoughts. There's no fact in what you're thinking - it's simply just a series of ideas that float around your head. Just think about it. If ten people compliment you ten times in one day, and one person insults you, which are you going to remember? The negative one, right? Yeah, you need to get out of that routine.
Stop trying to use your hate as motivation
I've been doing this for so long, because I genuinely thought it would help me become a better person. I basically felt like hating myself to such an extreme would cause me to change into someone that I could love. But hate feeds hate. If you want to learn to love who you are you need to actively start working towards that. Do things you like, focus on things you're good at, and stop beating yourself up about things you're not. No one can do everything.
You have the freedom to do whatever you want
If you're unhappy in a certain situation, there's no reason why you can't take yourself out of that situation and put yourself into one that will make you more happy. Of course it's not as straight forward as simply quitting your day job and waking up with your dream career the next day - this is real life here people. If you want to make changes in your life, things have to change - and not always for the better. But if it gets you to your end goal - which will help to make you happier - then you need to ask yourself about whether it's all worth it. You can do anything, it just depends on the risks you're willing to take. But sometimes, when you find yourself outside of your comfort zone, amazing things can happen.
Only you can make yourself happy
Instead of holding out for that dream job, or waiting for that perfect person to walk into your life, focus on learning to love yourself before anything else. Sure, other great things in life can truly help your general wellbeing, but they're only accessories. If you're a happy person you'll find joy in all kinds of places, but if you're in a dark place that feeling will follow you throughout whatever you do. At the end of the day, the only person you'll have at the end of it all is yourself, so you may as embrace who you are.
Hope this helped some of you, and I hope it wasn't too whiny! Please feel free to pop some of your own tips in the comments below - you never know who you might be helping!