A letter to my younger self

Hi younger Steph - this is future Steph (or present Steph, however you wanna look at it) speaking. Or rather, typing. Yes, it's been nearly ten years and yes you're still spending most of your time sitting in front of the computer - only now you're doing more than making Myspace profiles and joining as many 'whore' trains on Myspace. I mean, you're still editing the crap out of your pictures (only you've gotten a lot better and people almost don't even notice that you photoshopped your thighs in this picture). The majority of your best friends still live on cyber space, but they're some of the best friends you'll ever have. You'll even meet some of them in real life! So don't worry, you won't grow up to be a total loner. I say total because, in all honesty, you are a bit of a loner, but you'll grow to really, really love your time alone. I know that sounds like an absolute nightmare for you right now, because - let's face it - we didn't really like Steph back then, but now (and don't laugh at me when I tell you this) you actually quite like who you are.

Now I'm not gonna lie to you/me (this is going to get confusing) but things will absolutely get worse. Boys will treat you like crap - girls will treat you even worse. You'll fall into the wrong crowd and wind up doing stupid things after school (don't worry, that criminal record expires when you're 18..lol). You'll meet a few nice people along the way and then you'll drift away from them because, hey, shit happens. The family are still doing good. Mum and Dad will split up, but there won't be any drama and they're still very much you're Mum and Dad. Your grandparents are still here (and yes, Grandad's main topic of conversation does still revolve around food - gotta love that man). Like I said, things will get bad, but you come out the other end and - dare I say it - as far as a regular persons life goes, you're doing alright.

You're 23 now (gross, I know) and you'll have a nice boyfriend of four years who you live with. You'll end up moaning about him leaving towels all over the place like Mum used to, and you'll fall out about whose turn it is to do the dishes, but that's about all you'll fall out over. He's a good egg. You'll go through a bit of drama to get him (and you'll have to literally force him to be your boyfriend one day) but it all works out in the end. You won't want to marry each other, but you do want to settle down and have as many animals together as possible - which probably works out more cost-effective.

As for how you're doing..I don't want this part to scare you at all, but you know how you thought you could fight that whole depression thing? Yeah, you can't. So stop being so stubborn, take the damn antidepressants and get on with it. There's a whole lot more to life than moaning about how crap your life is and how ugly you are. Your life isn't crap, and you're not ugly - stop being ridiculous. Actually, about that face of yours..don't even worry about it. You'll grow into those teeth and people will actually compliment you on your bushy brows. I'm serious - do not over-pluck. Your face will change (both naturally and not-so-naturally) and you'll actually like how you look. And those bullies that made fun of you? Some of them will even try and ask you out years later. You'll deny them and it'll feel great.

What else has changed? Well, come to think of it, not all that much in a space of ten years - but don't worry, that's a good thing. In fact, imagine your life exactly how it is now, only with a few less assholes (a few - sadly they do still exist in 2016) a few more friends (real friends) a really good looking boyfriend and way better hair. Speaking of which - please stop self-bleaching your hair. It looks rubbish and takes years to grow out. 

I guess what I'm trying to say here is don't worry. Everything that happened before you will eventually get over, and you'll feel like a bad ass for being able to say that. You're loved - both by others and yourself (cringe) - and apart from odd day you'll feel really really happy about your life and the people in it. What? Did you really expect me to dish out all the juicy bits and ruin the surprise? You know me better than that. But trust me, it's all gonna be worth it.

Please vote for me in the #iamfreedom awards! I need all the help I can get to get me into the final 5. Thank you to everyone that's gotten me this far! You can vote three times, per day, per device! The prize is life changing. x

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