Okay so maybe blogging alone didn't 'cure' my depression, and maybe it's a little bit rich writing this blog post straight after coming back from an all expenses paid trip to Marbella, but for today's post I've decided to talk about my experiences with depression and how - oddly enough - I managed to find happiness at the bottom of a blog post. Well, kind of. There is method in my madness, I promise!
So about Marbella (because it would be a little weird posting bikini pictures of myself in Marbs without actually touching on the matter, wouldn't it?) - needless to say, it was pretty freaking great. We went to all the fancy clubs, ate copious amounts of free brekkie, spent the days drinking champagne by the pool and - better yet - we got to meet Mark Hill AKA the super-friendly-hair-genius-that-has-ringlets-made-from-angel-feathers (I think that's his full name anyway). Now I bet you're thinking 'that's great Steph, but what does this have to do with depression?' and funnily enough, it has everything to do with it, because on the last night of Marbella - when everyone had gone up to their hotel rooms in a food coma - it was just me, Mark, his assistant Julian and Charlotte all huddled around talking about life's highs and lows. From Tapas to traumas and desserts to depression. Aren't I just the best at turning nothing into a full-blown blog post? I take pride in that talent, I really do.
Anyway, for those of you that read my post on what to do when you don't feel good enough, you'll already be familiar with my on-going issues with depression. Now I won't divulge too much into the 'woe is me' life story (I'll save that for my oscar winning self-titled blockbuster), but it's something that came about at a young age when I was at school. It took four years of to-ing and fro-ing to the doctors until I was finally diagnosed with a chemical imbalance that caused my depression, and from that I was put on a light course of anti-depressants and some very basic counselling. Both treatments sucked, I'm not gonna lie, but in the end we found something that worked in a way that kept me level during every day life. Problem solved, right? Well, as it turns out, not really.
See, the thing is, whilst these tablets did (and still do) work at keeping me more balanced, they didn't make me any happier, and for years I thought I was just going to be this robot-like person that didn't really feel much other than a strange state of equilibrium (I've always wanted to successfully use that word in a sentence!). But in actual fact, it turns out that happiness doesn't come in the form of a few little pills - instead, it comes from learning how to take control of your own life, yourself, whether you do it all by yourself or with a little bit of help along the way.
And that's exactly what happened a few months ago, in that I finally decided to take control of my own life, and be who I really was without worrying about whether or not it was good enough. One thing that really hit a chord with me during our group chat was realising just how much pressure we were all under these days. Even at the best of times we're expected to look a certain way, act a certain way, and even alter out lives to live a certain way. We have to be successful, rich, beautiful, whatever. But the reality is is that us humans were literally put on this earth to live and breed more life, that's all. Put, well, just about anything in modern life into the mix, and it makes things a lot more complicated.
As bloggers - or even just people that exist on some form of social networking site - we're 'supposed' to be a certain way. Right now I'm probably meant to be telling you how perfect my life is, and trying to get you guys to buy into whatever it is that I'm wearing, just so I can get a cut of commission from a brand. Instead, I'm just sitting here in thermal socks and a jumper that smells ever-so-slightly of old milk, telling you guys that, actually, life can be pretty crap sometimes. If you want fakery and frilliness, you've come to the wrong place boys and girls.
And funnily enough, allowing myself to become that person - the one that tells it straight, and probably (AKA definitely) talks far too much - has actually helped me overcome whatever it was I was feeling before. I have this space on the internet that is mine, no matter how many people read it. I can write what I like and I can be exactly who I want to be without having to ask anyone's permission other than my own. I can make friends with people on opposite ends of the world, and I can have all the freedom in the world to create, well, just about anything my heart desires. And here's the real plot twist: it's not the internet that allows you to do that, it's you, only it's you sitting in front of a computer screen. If you can inspire others online, then you can damn well go out and do the exact same thing in the real world too. Forget all of those complications that come with being alive in the twenty first century, and instead just go back to basics. Live, breed, do whatever the hell you want. Because if you're doing what you want, chances are you'll feel a whole lot happier too.
How do you guys feel blogging has affected your lives?